it’s sure been a while. I haven’t been active on Substack since early march and im pretty upset about it.

This place is like another home and I don’t hide secrets from my family so here goes nothing. I haven’t been able to think about this a lot and I also haven’t really talked about it anyone.

I have had several friends or relatives of my friends that have either self harmed themselves or committed suicide. This is a real issue that needs to be addressed and if you know someone that is experiencing something like this, please be there for them. Because if you shake it off and think that they are going to be fine, you need to think again before you realize that it’s too late. im not sure if a lot of people are going to read this, but to the people who do, understand this and just be a good person. A lot of situations with people who do this to themselves is being bullied or is experienceing bad lives. Sometimes they are also just normal people who are fed up with others.

Personally, I could never think about that because I know how much it would hurt those around me. Please please please just know that there is always someone there for you, and suicide or self harm is NEVER the answer.

Thank you so much for reading this and spread the word! As of tomorrow I will be posting daily and I have started a new novel so eeek!!! 😦 🥰 love you all and stay safe ❤️

You used to love them too

But now

its just a reminder

of him

You didn’t want him to leave

but he got too tired

Birthdays are supposed to be a happy day

Not the day that you dread

for the rest of your life

Now you wear a shirt that day

in support of a person

you loved most of all

And everyone forgets

that it’s your birthday too

and you lost someone

just as important

-Juliana✨❤️🌸

p.s. this is NOT edited 😬🌸🤪 word count: 2,001 words -trying to be longer💖

Okkkk here weeee gooooo!

Chapter two: Athena Rose

By the time I get back to my dorm, my muscles have cooled just enough to ache, and I have regained my sanity enough to not think about Kael anymore.

The light overhead each of the dorm room entries flicker, casting everything in that dull, creepy gray the Vanguard seems to love. Concrete walls. Concrete floors. Concrete lives. I mean seriously, not to be too cheery, but they couldn’t have added some color? Beside the red stained walls, that is.

I press my thumb on the screen to the right of the door and it beeps, analizing my print. The second my door opens, I’m attacked with a blur of movement and a voice that for sure has the power to shatter glass if properly utilized.

“You’re back!”

Dixie.

She launches off her bed like she’s been waiting for this exact moment all morning. Which is probaby true, considering her adorable sunshine personality. Dixie is the complete opposite of this place in every way, and while I’m at it, the complete opposite of me as well. Where I am sharp edges and shadows, she is all sunshine and glitter and entirely too talkative for 8 a.m.

Her blonde curls bounce on top of her head in a form that she believed was a bun before sleeping in it all night. She must’ve been too tired to get into her giraffe covered pajamas last night, because she is in a slightly crooked uniform, one sleeve rolled unevenly higher than the other. She beams like I just returned froma fatal mission, but then turns worried.

“I was so scared and worried about you! I mean, you were just gone this morning! I thought something bad happened to you and you got kidnapped and then it would be all my fault because I was the one there and I could’ve stopped it from happening and-”

“Hey,” I interrupt her. Dixie looks up at me with those large green eyes of hers. “I left this morning to go train for the tournament later today.”

She doesn’t look very convinced, and very terribly tries to put on an angry face. Stars, this girl couldnt be angry for the world. I make a face at her and she smiles.

“You were snoring and I didn’t want to wake you up when I left.” I say increidibly blandly. This time it’s me trying to keep a straight face. She breaks and giggles like the ball of sunshine she is.

“You smell like sweat.” She tells me straight up as I set my duffel bag down. “And violence.”

“That’s because I chose violence,” I reply flatly, kicking off my black boots.

“Ooooooh, is this about the tournament? Are you in the zone? You look zoned. Very zone. Scary zoned! I love it!”

I arch a brow at her. “You say that every time. “

“And I mean it every time!” She smiles and lifts her chin.

Dixie crosses the room and hands me a towel that I didn’t ask for but definetely knew I needed. I take it without a comment. She watches me wipe the sweat from my face like she’s studying a documentary.

“You saw him this morning, didn’t you?” She asks, eyes narrowing in suspicion.

I freeze for a second too long. Damn.

“…Saw who?”

She gasps dramatically. “Athena.”

“What.”

“Do not ‘what’ me. We do not keep secrets in this household.” She plants her hands on her hips and gives me the ultimate mom look I never got the chance to receive. “Kael.”

I turn away to grab a clean shirt off my bed, trying to hide the way my jaws tightens. Just when I thought I couldn’t think about him anymore. “Unfotunately.” I respond.

Dixie’s eyes light up. Shocker. “What did he say?”

“Nothing worth repeating.” Nothing I want to repeat without making me sound like an idiot in front of the happiest girl in the world.

“So he said something.”

I pull my shirt over my head and glare at her. Lightly, of course. “He called me Sparky again,” I deadpan.

Dixie grins. “That’s kind of cute!”

“It is not.”

“It totally is.”

“It’s infuriating.”

“That too. But you love it.”

Before i have a chance to lecture her. she plops onto her bed, propping her chin in her hands like it’s her damn storytime. Her knees are bent and her feet are swinging in the air making me forget everything and crack a smile.

“Did you threaten him again?” she asks.

“Obviously.”

“Did he smirk?” she asks kicking her feet up in the air.

“Yes.”

“Did you shove him?”

“…Maybe.”

She face lights up again and it’s one of the most adorable things she does. “Oh my lords, you two are exhaustingly adorable.”

I glare at her again. “Look, I know you’re friends with him and everything, but that doesn’t mean—”

“Yes,” she says proudly, smiling. “He is my friend! He’s nice to me!”

Of course he is.

Kael Ashton—academy menace with an ego the size of a continent—turns into something mildly tolerable when he’s around Dixie. I mean honestly, who doesn’t with her. She is definitely the only person who brings out the goodness in me. That’s got to count for something, right?

Kael calls her Dee. Brrings extra rations to her when she forgets to eat and I can’t get to her in time. Fixes her stance during training without making her feel stupid like so many assholes do. He looks at her like she’s breakable, which pisses me off and scares the hell out of me at the same time. Partly because it’s true.

Dixie wasn’t recruited the way most of us were. She didn’t climb the ranks with brutal effiecency or outfight kids twice her size. She was brought her because she had nowhere else to go with no family to find them just like the rest of us, but she was brought in only a year ago. That’s the difference between her and I.

When the Vanguard found Dixie after her parents had died in a workplace accident, they labled her as a “potential asset” for their weapon community. She tries so hard it almost hurts me to watch sometimes. She’s not the fastest, not the most stratigic, and defintely not the strongest.

But she shows up. Every. Damn. Day. And I love her and worry about her all at the same time.

“You’re staring again,” she says.

“No, I’m not. And do even think about saying what I think you are—”

“You get this look when you’re thinking about him!” she taunts.

I toss a pillow at her. She squeaks as it lands. “I do not!”

“Defensive, are we? It’s like murder but with glitter and sprinkles!”

I blink. “What does that even mean?”

“I don’t know!” she admits too cheerfully for my liking, almost like she knows exactly wheat she’s saying. “But it’s there!”

She suddenly sits up so fast she nearly falls off the bed.

“Oh!” she gasps. “Speaking of murder with sprinkles, we’re going to a party tonight!”

I turn and face her slowly, not quite sure i heard her correctly. Me? Party? “We’re what.”

“Party. East wing. After lights-out!” she smiles like this is the most dangerous and mischevious thing she will do. “We’re going, and you and your mood will absolutely not stop me!”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Absolutely not.”

“Absoultely YES!” Dixie argues, prancing around the room like it’s the happiest day of her life. I sigh, knowing not only that I don’t want to argue with her, but also that I will definetely be forced to come to this party.

“Who’s going to be there?” I ask raising an eyebrow. Her face drops, but then quickly lights up again when she thinks of something.

“Wellllll…..it might have Kael and Rowan and Finn and…” she trails off daydreaming. My blood boils but heat rushes up to my face at the same time.

To avoid a comment on that, I stop thinking about myself and focus on what Dixie’s real reason for going to this party. Cyrus. For the year that she’s been here, all she can lay eyes on is that crazy joyful golden retrievor who is somehow one of the smartest and strongest kids here. Besides me, of course. And, well, maybe Kael.

“This is totally about Cyrus,” I complain. “I mean don’t get me wrong, I love your obsesssing over him! However, there is absolutely no way in hell i’m going to this stupid party just to be a third wheel!”

She looks at me, a bit offended, and I fill with regret. Her guilt trips strike again. She widens her eyes and does that damn trick with the begging.

“Fine.”

Dixie’s face immediatley changes and she lights up, rejoiced. She jumps onto me hugging me and squeals happilily in my ear. I catch her and let out a laugh that deserves to come out after a while of hiding.

“One quick thing!” she says mid-hug. “You are NOT going dressed like that!”

________________________________________

The rest of my miserable day consists of being a doll for Dixie. She picks out an outfit for me, I try it on without a say. I hate it, but i’m sure she is having the time of her life. All classes and training sessions were canceled for the day to prepare for the tournament tomorrow. So, lucky for me, I actually get to be tortured by Dixie.

By 7 p.m., she picks out my outfit and unbraids my hair. It reaches my waist and its slighty wavy and crimped from the braid I had all day. I put on the outfit she chose—a black cropped and fitted top with a jean skirt and black heels.

“Wow,” she admires, eyeing up my outfit and my deep chocolate hair. “You look absolutley stunning!”

I look at myself through a broken mirror. Honestly, she’s right. I have never worn someting like this, and I’m also not quite sure where she even got it. All she told me was how she had her secrets just like I have mine.

I didn’t argue.

“Okay. Since I had to be your dress-up princess, it’s only fair that you have to be mine,” I explain, looking at her oversized green dinosaur onesie. She changed into it when she realized we had the day off.

“Fine,” she states easily. “But just know that I might talk to the love of my life in an hourr so there is a teensy weensy chance that I change it considering you have zero sense of style. Like, zip. nada. zilch.”

I gasp, pretending to be deeply offended. She giggles, shoving me into the closet and then turning around with her eyes closed. I rummage through all the clothes and finally decide on a red off-the-shoulder top that says “cute”. Blech. I also pull out a white skirt with black boots and smile.

“Done!” I say, mildly proud that i put a freaking outfit together. She opens her eyes and they light up.

“NO. WAY! This is actually cute!” she squeaks.

I smile and turn around while she changes. When i hear her squealing again, I whip around and see her.

“You look beautiful, Dixie,” i say, making bright eyes shine brighter. “Do you want me to do your hair?”

“I think I’ll just leave it down!”

She takes off her hairband and her gorgeous curls fall over her pale shoulders. “There.”

I stare at us through a peice of the mirror and actually smile.

“You ready?” I ask, dreading my life, but also extremeley happy and excited for her.

“Yes, yes. and hmmmm, let me think. YES!” she says, bubbly enough to summon a unicorn to carry her across a rainbow. I laugh, and we quietly sneak out of our rooms.

I’m going to a party. A goddamned party that will not only have my biggest rival, but also a severe punishment if we get caught.

I look over at Dixie.

Better not get caught.

-Juliana✨❤️🌸

p.s. this is NOT edited 😬🌸🤪 word count: 1,191 words

Chapter two: Kael Strider

Vanilla.

That’s what I smell when she shoves past me.

Her shoulder— a beautiful golden tan and slick with sweat, slams into mine. Well, it’s more like my elbow. After all, the top of head only reaches my collarbone. Her braided hair reaches her waist and flows gracefully behind her as if it loves with non-existent wind.

The impact barely moves me, but the scent? That hits me stronger than any punch she’s ever thrown towards my face.

It’s irionic, isn’t it? That the most agggravated, tough, royally pissed off woman in this entire academy smells like one of the softest scents you can find in a place like this. Like she belongs somewhere warm and safe instead of in a concrete training academy built to break people into weapons.

Most of the time, all I get is blood and metal and sweat clogging the not so fresh air. Today, I get vanilla and fury.

I snort quietly and turn, watching her stalk away down the corridor. She’s short—annoyingly so—but she walks like she owns the place. Chin lifted. Spine straight. Like she isn’t trapped in a place with kids twice her size, able to snap her in half if they got lucky.

Key word being lucky.

Because no one ever is when it comes to her.

She risks a glance over her shoulder, stunning brown eyes flashing when she realizes my gaze is still following her. There’s a challenge in that stare. A silent try me. Asshole.

I wink at her.

She flips me off.

Beautiful form. Excellent wrist control.

Athena clearly expects me to follow her back to her dorm. She should know me better by now. I don’t chase when she secretly wants me to.

I turn left instead.

My room sits on the fourth door to the right after the main training center—if you can call it a room. It’s more like a reinforced concrete box with a four beds bolted to the floor and a single narrow window that never quite lets the light in.

Not exactly what normal people picture when they hear academy.

Definitely not what I had before the Vanguard found me.

I press my thumb to the screen to the left of the door and shove it open. It being a typical day, I immediately dodge a sock flying at my head.

“Late again.” says Ronan from his bed. His hands are folded on his lap, mockingly, and there is a smug grin on his face. He’s tall, even while sitting, broad-shouldered, with light blond hair and the kind of face that makes instructors sigh and girls forget their own names.

“Miss me?” I ask, only to here a scoff from the other side of the room as an answer.

“How could we not?” Finn mutters from the desk, where he’s cleaning a knife with obsessive care. Dark hair, sharp grey eyes, smile like a loaded weapon. He looks up.

Kael!” a voice chirps.

I straighten, grinning. “You’re getting too cheery, Cyrus. And you missed.”

I look at the sock that I barely dodged and then up at him.

He’s perched on his bed, legs swinging, grin wide and unapologetic. Fifteen years old and already sharper than half the academy. Dark hair messy, hazel eyes bright, expression permanently caught somewhere between excited and determined.

Sunshine with a kill count.

“Correction,” he says. “I was aiming for the wall. You were collateral damage.”

Finn snorts from his chair. “That’s what they all say.”

Ronan looks up from tying his boots, blond hair falling into his green eyes. “Don’t encourage him. He already thinks he’s unstoppable.”

Cyrus beams. “You said confidence was important.”

Ronan pinches the bridge of his nose. “I said controlled confidence.”

Finn grins. “Too late. He’s feral now.”

I toss my jacket onto my bed and glance at Cyrus. “You finish recalibrating that blade?”

“Yep!” He hops up and holds it out proudly. “Adjusted the balance point like you suggested.”

I take it, testing the weight. Perfect.

“Nice work,” I say.

Cyrus lights up like I handed him a medal.

Ronan watches with a soft huff. “Don’t let it go to your head, kid.”

“I live for your approval,” Cyrus replies sarcastically.

Finn laughs. “He’s going to be insufferable when he’s our age.”

“If we survive that long,” Ronan mutters.

I lean against my bed, arms crossed, the scent of vanilla still clinging to my senses like a ghost. I continue to watch them go on and off bickering for a moment—this strange, stitched-together thing we’ve become. Four people who shouldn’t work out as friends, somehow doing exactly that.

Ronan, all control and precision. Finn, lazy confidence hiding a razor mind. Cyrus—new, young, relentless.

And me.

I strip off my black jacket and sit on the edge of my bed. “What’d you break this time?”

“Nothing important,” Cyrus says quickly.

Ronan sighs. “A practice drone.”

“It attacked me,” Cyrus adds.

Finn raises a brow. “It hovered.”

“Menacingly.”

Ronan pinches the bridge of his nose. “You can’t just destroy academy property.”

Cyrus smiles. “Sure I can.”

Finn laughs again and it even makes me crack a real smile. I’m about to respond when there’s a knock at the door.

Not sharp. Not authoritative.

Light. Almost playful.

We all freeze.

Ronan frowns. “That’s not an instructor.”

Finn grins. “That’s definitely not an instructor.”

Cyrus bounces on his heels. “Ooooh.”

I open the door.

Three girls stand in the hallway, all academy-issued black uniforms worn like they were designed to be broken in properly. One of them—tall, dark-haired, confident—leans against the doorframe like she owns it.

“Hey,” she says, smiling. “You guys busy tonight?”

Ronan’s already on his feet. Finn straightens in his chair. Cyrus beams like Christmas came early.

“Depends,” Finn says smoothly. “What are you offering?”

“Party,” the girl says. “East wing. After lights-out.”

Cyrus gasps dramatically. “An after curfew party?”

The girl laughs. “You must be Cyrus.”

He straightens, preening. “I have a reputation.”

Ronan scoffs. “You absolutely do not.”

“We’re inviting you,” another girl says, eyes flicking between him and Finn. “All of you.”

Finn tilts his head. “Even this kid?” He gestures at Cyrus who nudges Finn’s shoulder aggressively.

“Especially him,” she says. “He’s fun.”

Cyrus looks thrilled.

I cross my arms. “And this isn’t a trap?”

The first girl smiles wider. “Only if you’re boring.”

Ronan exhales. “We’re in.”

Finn nods. “Obviously.”

Cyrus pumps a fist. “YES.”

The girls laugh and turn to leave, tossing their hair over their shoulders, “Don’t be late.”

The door slides shut.

Silence.

Then Cyrus spins on us. “We’re going, right?”

Ronan smirks at him as Finn both respond at the same time.

“Yes.”

I shake my head, already reaching for my jacket. “You’re all terrible influences.”

Cyrus beams. “You love us.”

He’s not wrong.

But unfortunately, I will have no choice but to go to this party tonight. Probability of getting caught by the Vanguard’s security team? High. Do any of care? No.

Because we’re all skilled enough to escape and fight if we need to. They train us to be something they can’t control, and one day, it will be their demise.

-Juliana✨

Chapter One- Athena Rose

Beads of sweat trickle down the side of my forehead, and honestly, in places I didn’t even know I could sweat in. Blood stains my knuckles, courtesy of the punching bag being a victim of, well, punching. Everythingis a blur—my heart is pounding, my breaths are uneven.

Am I pushing myself too hard?

Yes.

Do I care?

No.

Not when the biggest sparring tournament of the year is this afternoon. Not when I am determined to win—to wipe the smile off of every cadet who has dared to challenge me. I smile at the thought. At the glory.

And then I punch the living daylights out of the dummy next to me.

The routine is practically ingrained into my head. Right hook. Dodge. Left hook. Front kick. It’s one of the many basic follow ups after a full set of training reps, but there’s nothing basic about the force I’m putting into this.

The dummy swings back at me and I quickly move the the side to land a perfect kick to its chest. I don’t give it time to settle this time. I strike it. Again and again, until I’m finally staggering back. Nausea curls in my stomach and I crouch, bringing my head to my knees so I don’t pass out. Two hours of straight training will do that to you. It’s been a long day and its only 7:00 in the morning. Yay.

I’m being sloppy, but it’s worth it. Pain is grounding for me. It’s home. Honestly, it’s the only thing that has stuck with me all these years. What a sad way to—

“Careful there, Sparky. You’ll be no fun to beat if you’re too exhausted to spar.”

A smooth, arrogant voice slices through the silence. A voice that I try to avoid everyday to keep my sanity. Still, he manages to find me even when I’m desperate to keep him away. I keep my face calm anyway, and pretend not to notice the nickname that angers me and makes my heart jump at the same time.

I don’t even have to turn around to know that there is a smirk playing on his lips. I guess that’s what ten years of training in the same academy will do to you. I know him like the back of my hand, and unfortunately, it’s probably the same way around.

Kael Ashton, or, as I like to introduce him, Kael Asshole, is possibly one of the worst, most annoying person the world can give you. I guess, in this case, me. High praise for a guy like him, right?

Kael is the academy’s golden boy. One of the first recruits to join the young spy program, along with me. We happened to show up here around the same time, and that was when we both were only seven years old. So, lucky me, I’ve had to deal with him for ten years.

I turn around, fists clenched at my sides. Anger is one of the few emotions I let him see and I will not give him the satisfaction of anything else. He’s casually leaning on one of the many bloodstained pillars holding up the main training room. His ebony hair is perfectly messy in an I-woke-up-looking-this-good kind of way and the black training shirt he’s wearing clings to him tightly enough to peek at the hard-earned, tan muscles underneath. It’s like effort doesn’t even exist for him.

Which is deeply offensive.

Stars, I can’t deny that he’s attractive. It’s enough to draw the eyes of the few female recruits here at the academy. Yet again, that’s not saying much. Unfortunately for me, his looks are overshadowed by his sarcastic, flirty demeanor and personality. It makes me want to throw something. Preferably him, but I suppose I could be flexible.

“Done admiring me, Sparky?” he’s asks, crystal blue eyes glinting, even in the dark lighting. Shit. I hadn’t even realized I was staring. But… Sparky. I hate that nickname. Matter of fact, I hate everything that he says and does. “I mean, I don’t mind. I know I look good-”

“Stop while your ahead, Kael. Or one day I might finally lose my shit and punch you through a wall.” I say coolly. Only anger, I remind myself.

His playful grin only grows. He pushes himself off the pillar and takes a few steps towards me. Up close, he is at least half a foot taller than me, but I stay in the exact same place and lift my chin confidently. He leans down to whisper in my ear.

“You can try,” he says, challenging me in every possible way. He gets under my skin and he knows it. I swear to the stars, one day that smirk that he wears will be wiped off his face.

And it will be exceedingly gratifying.

For now, within the rules of the academy that I should learn to follow more, shoving will just have to do. I push him away from me, palms square against his chest. He barely stumbles back, amused, and not at all surprised. I turn away from him and walk over to the bench where all of my training gear is. Kael starts to walk backwards out of the training center and god forbid he leaves without a jab at me.

“I’ll see you later, Sparky,” he says to me, stopping and looking at me with a mischevious glint in his eyes. I ignore him. Typical. “Try not to lose in the first round.”

I pick up my shirt and water carrier, just now realizing was only in my sports bra, and put them in my duffel bag. My cheeks redden a bit, but I keep a composed face and act completely unbothered by his comment. I then zip up the bag and sling it over my shoulder. Here’s the thing with me: being unbothered doesn’t mean I won’t think of something smart to say back. I turn around and start walking towards him from my assigned training spot.

“See you later, asshole. Try not to trip over your ego.” I say, mimicking his smirk. I shove past him and start to walk back to my small enclosure that our cheif commanders call a room. If Kael has any brain at all up there, he won’t follow me for the sake of annoying me.

He chuckles and walks behind me only to turn left towards his room.

Good.

I walk slowly through the empty hallway, pushing away the small, innocent thoughts that pop into my head when I’m alone like this. The itty-bitty part of my heart that wanted him to follow me.

But when your training to be a spy, you have to follow your brain. Not your heart.

Let us begin!!!!

#1- POWERLESS TRILOGY+NOVELLAS

OMG. I have zero words for how much I loved this series! I read this book series in the beginning of the year and it inspired me so much! Plot, romance, action is all so mixed together so beautifully! Lauren Roberts is such a beautiful, talented, AMAZING author and she deserves so much love and credit for everything she’s accomplished. I started with Powerless first and then I finished Reckless and Fearless. After that I read the two novellas and this took me the whole year only because Fearless and Fearful both came out THIS YEAR. Enemies to lovers is so hot in this and the two mcs are soooooo fire. Malakai azer is so AHHHHHH. anyway….😁 starting of strong with a 10/10! Sooooo good, definitely recommend!!

#2- CARAVAL TRILOGY by Stephanie Garber

This book series is so good as well!! Lots of interesting aspects to this book! There are so many amazing parts of this series including a bunch of mind games, puzzles, and some romance involved as well! Stephanie Garber is really an amazing, but unique author and her world building is so cool. The plot of each book in this and the relationship between two sisters here is truly heartwarming! Personally, I would not rate this higher than the powerless series and it really wasn’t my favorite series. I still love it and respect it but I will probably give it a 6/10! I would recommend it though to people who like mind games but also some romantic tension!

#3-ONCE UPON A BROKEN HEART SEIRES (OUABH) by Stephanie Garber

I LOVED this series soooo much! It’s was beautiful and sad and romantic and it was just SO good! I really enjoyed this because everything was so well thought out and it was just genuinely intriguing! This series actually comes after the caraval series but it works alone! Evangeline is sweet and hopeful and just wants true love, which made my heart hurt for her. And Jacks??? So pretty, so mean, so charming, I was OBSESSED. I love the two MCs but the only thing I wish Stephanie Garber would do with her female characters is make them so much more badassy instead of more on the helpless damsel side. I do also believe it was a little rushed at the end and it just jumped to conclusions very fast. Anywayyy the romance is slow and soft and full of longing looks and pain, and the world is super colorful and dreamy. It’s cozy but dramatic and made me smile and ache at the same time — totally an 8/10 cute fantasy read!!!

#4-CRUEL PRINCE by Holly Black

This book is such a fun, magical read! The world of Faerie is dark but also super pretty and dreamy, and I loved how it felt dangerous all the time. The fmc Jude is a really strong main character who doesn’t give up even when everyone is cruel to her, which made me root for her so hard. I was “gurl” to half of the things she did but like she’s so badass. Cardan is mean, confusing, and lowkey fascinating, and their enemies-to-lovers tension is EVERYTHING! The book kept me hooked with twists, betrayal, and politics, and even though it’s intense, it’s also kind of cozy in a fantasy way. Btw I only read the first book but it’s fineee. Definitely an 8/10 — dramatic, aesthetic, and perfect if you love morally gray characters and fairy chaos.

#5-THE NATURALS by Jennifer Lynn Barnes

AHHHHH ok I have been waiting for this one! This series is literally everything, like life-ruining in the best way🤪😫. From the very first book, I was completely hooked by the dark, smart, FBI-training vibes and the way every mystery made my heart race. Cassie is such a compelling Fmc she’s quiet, observant, and so strong in a soft, intelligent way that makes you want to protect her and root for her at the same time. And the group??? The found family aspect is EVERYTHING. Each character feels broken, brilliant, and lovable in their own way, and the boys had me absolutely OBSESSED (the tension, the banter, the trauma… I was unwell 🤌😩. Also dean? AHHHHHH IM DEAD AND I WILL DIE A MILLION TIMES AGAIN FOR THIS MAN. his father not so much 😂😭The relationships, the slow-burn feelings, and the way the characters care about each other made this series impossible to put down. Easily a 1000/10 — iconic, addictive, emotionally damaging, and perfect if you love crime, genius teens, and a little bit of chaos! I was also NOT a mystery person but this was soooo good!!!

#6-IF HE HAD BEEN WITH ME by Laura Nowlin

Ok I might get a lot of disagreements with this one but I did NOT like this one 😭. The writing is soft and aesthetic, and the vibes are very sad, cozy, fall-core, but the story itself just didn’t hit the way I wanted it to. Autumn felt frustrating to read at times, and the whole book relied so much on miscommunication and “what ifs” that it started to feel repetitive instead of emotional. I think I was supposed to feel devastated, but instead I was mostly just annoyed 😒 . The romance had moments that were sweet, but it felt dragged out and emotionally draining without enough payoff. Overall, it’s sad and pretty but kind of empty for me — 3/10, only recommended if you really love slow, melancholic stories and emotional pain😫. (sorry guys😭)

#7- THRONE OF GLASS by Sarah J. Maas

This series is like so good! It is such a cozy-but-epic fantasy journey.It starts off a little simple, but once you’re in, you’re IN, and suddenly you care way too much about everyone 😭💖. There also so much amazing world building but it does get VERY confusing by the third or fourth book! There is just so many different plots to explore and follow and at the end everything just goes boom 😂Celaena is fierce, dramatic, and lovable, and watching her grow into herself over the series was really worth the hours! The friendships and found family moments are honestly the cutest part and made my heart so soft especially with Rowan🥹.There’s action, magic, angst, and little romantic moments sprinkled in that made me giggle and kick my feet. It’s not perfect, but it’s warm, emotional, and super fun — an easy 7/10 for fantasy lovers who want adventure and action!!!

okkkkk so there were so many other ones but I got lazy and these were the ones it thought I should share 🤪 also this year was such a big reading year for me! This year I feel like I unlocked my life with books and happiness and family and I even joined substack!! Okkk also I am starting to write a new novel! AHHH IVE BEEN SO EXCITED TO SHARE THIS WITH YOU GUYS! It’s a spy novel with enemies to lovers and intense action and adventure!!!!! Eeeeek! Hopefully ch 1 and ch 2 will come out later this week!!!!! I haven’t come up with a title yet but once you guys read the first few chapters maybe you could help me think of one? New chapter posts should come every Friday!!!!! Anyway love ya thx for reading! 💖😘